I’d like to get to know you—and help you get to know each other. Because I believe that uncertainty, life transitions, and new beginnings are best navigated together.
This evergreen thread is an opportunity to introduce yourself. You’re welcome to share as little, or as much, as you’d like! Tell us who you are, and what brought you here.
Your prompt, should you choose to accept it: Which of the following best describes you? Copy and paste one (or more!) of these emojis when you start a new comment below.
🔥 Some version of your five-year plan already went up in flames.
🪂 You’re considering a jump into new, uncertain territory of some kind.
🙈 You’re just starting to let go of your Type A, overplanner tendencies. Or, perhaps you’ll consider letting go of them…someday.
🎸 You’re an uncertainty rock star who’s embraced change for approximately as long as the Rolling Stones have been on stage. (Tell us your secrets!)
Or, choose your own emoji adventure! Pick something that best describes your relationship with uncertainty, life transitions, or new beginnings.
🔥 + 🙈. I'll kick things off! I'm your typical Type A overachiever, who loved planning so much that I made an entire career out of it (as a financial planner).
After experiencing a divorce, my mom's passing, and job loss in quick succession, it became clear that I needed to learn how to embrace uncertainty...whether I wanted to or not! This newsletter is my attempt at codifying everything I'm learning, and helping others along the way.
Hello. My five year plan included living my 50s with my husband. Surprise! He has a terminal illness. So there's that. . . I always figured he'd go first, I just figured we would be in our '80s. Looking forward to leaning in to uncertainty.
Anne, thank you for dropping by and introducing yourself—it's such a pleasure to meet you.
I'm deeply sorry about your husband's illness. There aren't many silver linings to that dark cloud; still, I hope that you'll experience the same thing I did in my mom's final months: a time filled with connection, community, generosity and warmth, even amidst the stress and sadness.
Please know that I'll be sending positive, heartfelt thoughts your way! ❤️
I've had many a five year plans blow up. Some I torched. Some imploded. Some were a slow burn that started imperceptibly with a tiny ember from someone else's nearby flame. Didn't see it coming.
That's what happened the last time.
My latest 5-year plan ended when I went home for a 6-week visit and ended up staying to be the caregiver for my aging parents (one with Alzheimer's, the other legally blind).
Since then much has changed and I'm building a new life in North Carolina. I'm writing all about it here on Substack (https://nnekatrini.substack.com).
Still, I continue to make my plans:-) Even though they blow up, they move me closer to my desires.
Nneka, I'm so glad you stopped by to say hello! Thanks for giving me (and others) a chance to get to know you and your story.
Now that I've had a small window into the challenges of caregiving work myself, I feel comfortable saying that you're a *total* superhero for being there for your parents in this moment of their lives. ❤️
FWIW, the writing in your first paragraph sent chills down my spine. Makes me especially glad that you're writing publicly through this particular life transition!
My brother and I were at home with my mom during her recurrence of cancer and hospice care (she passed away last year). We were both juggling full-time work, and lucky enough to have paid help during the workdays—but even with that immense privilege, it was the hardest experience of my life.
So I'm now *completely* in awe of caregivers who are helping their family members in any capacity! It's beautiful but so tough...sending you strength.
🪂 Stepping into uncertainty and unknown as God is calling me into deep waters of the soul, shifting me, softening me, opening me. He has called me to build a Christian coaching business, a calling that both excites and terrifies me. Thank you for your writing and encouragement. Loved the last post about not having an instruction manual for all of this.
Heather, it's lovely to "meet" you! (And thanks, too, for your sweet words—I'm so glad my writing has resonated.) I think that anything that both excites *and* terrifies you is a worthy goal, indeed! 🤗
Yes! I’m gonna hold onto that morsel. Excited and terrified? Probably headed in the right direction, lol. I think Brene Brown calls it the barf factor (if it makes u want to barf, it’s probably time to do it) and a “vulnerability hangover”
Hi Maddie, I found my way from your article 'Holding onto Smoke'. Thank you for that beautiful piece.
I'm Victoria: I'm a Carer, a Mentor, an advocate-activist of other caregivers, and a business owner of 2 companies outside of Substack. Over a couple of decades, I climbed the corporate ladder from Market research manager to Global Commercial VP of brand portfolios - that was 16 relocations across 9 countries. Underneath all the achievements and responsibilities stuff, I loved building teams, cross-cultural collaborations, strategy and confounding people as one of the youngest-looking Asian women.
I've been hugely blessed and can thrive despite experiencing the full amplitude of what life can offer over the last 8 years. I know I've experienced more 'life' in these years than I have before, which is why I have deep gratitude for small moments.
My emoji is the one I have for my company - a fiery phoenix. Simply, it represents the many times I've grown, burned bright, outgrew myself and have, so far, risen new again.
My story has many dimensions - hence why there are so many sections on my website! ;-)
There's lots we could share! I'm looking forward to growing our connection.
I'm particularly interested in reading & discussing interdependence from a perspective of carer support and preparing communities to help each other when current infrastructure and systems are failing our growing needs.
Are you familiar with Bruce Feiler - if not, take a look at his TED Talk video on my site
Victoria, I'm so touched that you appreciated that essay. It was such a meaningful one to write—I'm glad that it was *also* meaningful to read.
Thank you for the beautiful introduction to your background and mission. (Fiery phoenix emoji FTW!) My own limited experience with caregiving gives me *just* enough context to understand how wildly important (and under-discussed!) your perspective is. Thank you for your caregiver advocacy work; it is so needed. I'm looking forward to growing our connection as well.
"I'm particularly interested in reading & discussing interdependence from a perspective of carer support and preparing communities to help each other when current infrastructure and systems are failing our growing needs." YES. More of this. 🔥
Finally, Bruce Feiler's book about life transitions was one of the most impactful books I read last year—I'm delighted you mentioned it, because I think everyone would benefit from picking it up!
Re. Bruce Feiler - I was relieved to listen to the TED Talk (one of my first posts) because it makes sense of the 'Timeline Exercise' I've been doing annually and as a foundation piece I do with my Mentoring clients: https://www.carermentor.com/p/your-frame-of-reference.
I think we're going to have lots to connect on moving forward and I'd welcome your subscription if that works for you. FYI I've no paywall on my current work.
Maddie, hello! I just chatted with Chris Anselmo yesterday and he recommended your newsletter — it is EXACTLY what I need in my life right now. I'm so honored you liked my post on my own newsletter as well — I know I'm fangirling right now, but I feel like a celebrity just liked it!!!
Thank you for speaking to my soul with your posts, especially since I am definitely a type A person who struggles with uncertainty.
Anna, I'm so delighted that Chris made this connection—let's stay in touch, for sure! 🤗 I've devoured your first few posts; there's *so* much I related to, so the feeling is quite mutual.
I'm typing from my couch in sweatpants, so while I'm amused that you think of me as a celebrity, it's a fun reminder: if you keep writing from the heart long enough, your words will resonate more widely than you could've imagined at the outset. Hopefully, that's a motivating thought as you begin your newsletter-writing journey!
🎸 as someone who has been influenced more but the great philosophical movie The Big Lebowski than anything else in life, I've taken a lot of chances based on gut reaction. If anything goes wrong, "eff it dude, let's go bowling." Move from Boston to Denver? 48 hours is enough time to make that decision. Leave a comfortable corporate gig to go join a start-up? I trust the lady in charge, let's do it. And in my younger and single days, it's also led to some great stories. I don't do 1 year, 5 year plans and just trust it'll all work out, for better or for worse lol
Matt, I want to be you when I grow up! Truly, I aspire to this level of uncertainty-embracing rock stardom.
Most importantly, though: I'm totally delighted that you stopped by to introduce yourself. Thank you for being here, and for sharing your outlook on life! (It's time for me to rewatch The Big Lebowski, I think.)
Maddie! I’m just getting to know your work. I’m interested in creative freedom and myself and my husband are working towards being free to work digitally all over the world with our kids... I love following finance stuff and healing old money stories. I’ve done so much work on it all! Looking forward to reading more of your stuff. ✨
Claire, what a treat to hear some of your story! Thanks so much for chiming in—I'm definitely familiar with *your* writing, so it's wonderful to hear more about our overlapping interests here. Cheers to all the work you've done on these important topics...I'm looking forward to comparing notes on all of it! 🤗
Hi, I’m Wendi. My Substack is “Changing Lives,” wendigordon.substack.com. My plan for the rest of my life, not just five years, went up in flames 🔥. But I lived through it, learned a lot in the process, and my husband and I are recovering and building a new and much better life now. I keep trying to plan things at least a few months out, then getting reminded once more than life usually doesn’t go as planned! I’m learning to embrace the uncertainty and enjoy the journey without worrying too much about the future. Some days I am able to do that; other days I just want the illusions of certainty and total control over my life that I used to have!
Wendi, it's a pleasure to meet you! Your introduction is a beautiful reminder that life will keep reminding us (sometimes gently, sometimes...not) of the lessons we thought we'd already learned. I, too, need and receive these regular reminders. And: the last line you wrote feels especially resonant! 😜
Thank you for being here and sharing a bit of your story with us.
Maddie, it's a pleasure to meet you and discover your newsletter! I just read some back issues, including the one about the "gift giver" mindset as a middle way between overplanning and never planning anything. I appreciate that way of conceptualizing planning. I alternate between desperately trying to plan things at least a few months out (only to have something happen that burns up those plans!) and deciding it's pointless to set any goals or make any plans. As with most things, neither extreme is helpful and I need to find a health middle ground.
I'm so glad to hear that piece resonated with you! It's a mindset I stumbled upon after decades of believing that "planning" and "not planning" were the only two approaches to life—meaning, it's a piece that I wrote because I needed to read it, too. 🫠
The search for a healthy middle ground is ongoing...and universal! You're not alone.
I echo everyone else's comments. This is a wonderful idea Maddie, and hello everyone!
I'm Chris. I live in Connecticut where I've lived all my life except for 12 years I spent in Boston, which happened to be where my plans (one, five, ten-year, full-life) went up in flames. I was diagnosed with an adult onset muscle disease after graduating from college, which made life quite unpredictable, to put it kindly.
However, the experience is what fuels my writing, so it hasn't all been bad. I enjoy meeting other writers and people interested in learning about how to be the best version of themselves despite life's up and downs.
I think I'm somewhere between 🔥 and 🎸, depending on the day. Other days I'm the GIF of the dumpster fire being swept away in a flood. But I have my good planning days too. For example, today I sat down to write for 3 hours and managed not to get distracted. Small wins!
Chris, thank you so much for introducing yourself here! 🤗
One of my favorite things about Hello, Adversity is that our individual experiences of adversity are wildly different, but you're so skilled at mining your story for actionable advice that I *always* feel more resilient after reading.
And, unfailingly, I laugh at all the wry humor that sneaks into each newsletter. Just like—as much as I never want this GIF to characterize anyone's experience, much less yours—I totally cackled at your mention of the literal dumpster fire being swept away in the flood. A+ choice.
My 1, 3 and 5 year plans have been decaying in a hot dumpster ever since I graduated from college. Grief, trauma and it’s aftermath in my body have made me, finally, at 48, stick to 1, 3 and 5 hour plans!
The physical manifestations of grief and trauma are no laughing matter, of course...and yet I love the lightness that you bring to this sometimes-a-dumpster-fire that we call life. A toast to 1, 3, and 5-hour plans!
(Psst: for anyone who hasn't read a chapter of Kimberly's gorgeous serialized memoir, what are you waiting for? https://unfixed.substack.com/ She's Exhibit A for using creativity as a tool for meaning-making.)
I spent my whole working life as the guy that slept in the office and never applied anywhere else out of loyalty and this idea I was indispensable. Then one day my boss did a runner and I realised I'd been in a toxic relationship where nothing would ever change until my abuser left me... It made me rethink how I work and for the past ten years I've been working remotely, before it was a thing... I've fine this in Switzerland, France and now in Barcelona, living my best life x
I forgot to add the crucial point being... Being a freelancer is always uncertain... Sometimes I go weeks without work, sometimes I take on too much, but I've learned on those times there is nothing on, instead of fretting about, live those days like a rock star x
Shihab, welcome! Thank you for sharing your story—it means a lot to me.
As you described your previous relationship to work, and your eventual disillusionment with something that had comprised such a huge part of your identity, I found myself nodding along. Transitioning away from a problematic work experience (whatever that looks like) is laden with uncertainty. The best part is hearing that, ten years on, you've built a beautiful new reality...and a positive relationship with uncertainty to boot.
Hi Maddie, this is a great way to break the ice and build a community! 👏
I'm from Devon, England. I grew up on a small farm where we couldn't see our neighbours. But I've lived much of my life in megacities (Mexico City, Shanghai, Tokyo, Cairo) or large ones (London, Hong Kong). I describe myself as a recovering cultural bureaucrat having retired from my public sector job last year. I now write - copywriting (for money) and here on Substack (to learn/practise).
I used to plan a lot, so know that plans are just - well, plans. What actually happens is usually (almost always) something else. But knowing that doesn't always make dealing with it easy, does it? So I am 🔥but also entry level 🎸. And maybe a bit of 🙈.
Jeffrey, welcome—it's so wonderful to meet you! I definitely laughed in recognition when you described yourself as "entry level 🎸" because yes, this, 100%.
I have so many friends and family members who've just retired, and—while I know there are lots of resources to navigate that transition—it's one that's been challenging for each and every one of them. I trust that writing (both for money and especially for fun) has been a source of meaning and purpose during this new chapter.
Your background sounds fascinating. You've got some great story-territory to mine!
Sep 22, 2023·edited Sep 22, 2023Liked by Maddie Burton
🎸 I've been at this uncertainty rock star game for most of my life.
My brother and parents died within 6 months of each other when I was 10 years old. It was all the things you could imagine and worse. Growing up without parents is filled with uncertainty. There are a lot of choices that have to be made on unstable ground and when that ground breaks, you have to pivot and adjust. Whilst I was lucky enough to stay with my sister afterwards, she herself was 22 years old when it happened with a 2 year old. She literally had 4 kids overnight. (My other siblings.) She didn't parent me and she didn't sugarcoat what our lives were going to be like and for that I'm very grateful. She provided a safe environment, made sure I was fed, but the rest I had to figure out. Eventually I got my own apartment in high school and was legally emancipated to be on my own. I could excuse myself from school, I signed off on "parent slips", etc. I went through school utterly heartbroken and there were days I didn't think I was going to make it.
Next would come even more death, my best friend was murdered in high school, a father figure died suddenly when I was 19 from cancer and then another best friend was murdered when I was 30. So much loss makes you realize how fleeting it all is. There has been so much grief, so much depression, and so much stumbling to make my way out of it. I'm grateful to have given myself access to A LOT of amazing therapy and reflection. (Talk therapy and EMDR are my favorite.)
There has also been A LOT of wild joy, dream come trues, adventures all over the world. I've done almost everything I've ever wanted to in this life and for that I am extremely proud.
I chose to embrace uncertainty because I was determined to survive and live a life filled with joy and excitement no matter what.
Recently, I've jumped into a new uncertainty. Instead of the stability of corporate life, I've chosen to focus on writing. I used to have a blog and it did fairly well, I also worked as a copy writer, but I never gave my writing the attention it deserved. I was dealing with earth shattering circumstances, I didn't always have the bandwidth to sit down and map out a direction that I wanted to go. And to be perfectly honest, for a while I had quite the contempt for life. It had been very cruel to me and being here felt like a jail sentence. I fought my way out of that dark forest and now I feel more like myself than I ever have.
I took a job where I can work from home, make my own schedule, and I love it. (I didn't want to work in an office, it is soul crushing for me.)
It allows me to work around my writing schedule and gives me the bandwidth to start building my writing career path.
Whilst some of my friends are 15-20 years into their careers, I am just a fledgling starting out in the writing world. It feels new and exciting, it also feels wonky and weird. That's life in any capacity, so I'll take it.
I love your Substack because it showcases that anything can happen at anytime. When people have rough childhoods, they tend to fantasize if things were different their adult lives would be different...and that isn't necessarily true. There are zero guarantees in life. Wild things happen all the time because that is life on planet earth. That is the contract we sign when we come here. The best shot we can give ourselves is to make friends with acceptance and mind the bends with as much love and care as we can.
Your story is beautiful and I'm so glad you are sharing it here. Thank you, Maddie.
Jenovia, thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an absolute rock star, indeed. 🎶 ❤️
Your life is a rich, complex tapestry of all the different ways uncertainty can show up. Definitely as the steep challenge of emerging from so many kinds of (deeply unfair) trauma, grief, and loss—relationships that might've otherwise served as anchors. But also as the kind of hope that only comes from navigating impossibly stormy waters, surviving, and realizing that there's a possibility of actually *thriving*—whether today, or simply someday in the future.
While I knew about some of the challenges you faced in childhood and young(er) adulthood, I wasn't fully aware of the career uncertainty you were navigating now. Probably because you're such a skilled writer that I never would've considered the word "fledgling" could be associated with your writing career!
I'm so thrilled that you're betting on yourself and your considerable talents. The world needs more of your voice! And, selfishly, I look forward to benefiting from your rock-star wisdom as you share more of your life experience, and your learnings from this new career path.
Hi, Maddie! I’m a native New Yorker (Born in Brooklyn, grew up on Long Island) who after 40 years living and working in Manhattan decided 7 years ago to try out Chicago when my brother and sister in law opened a restaurant here. I loved it and stayed. When people ask what I did for a living, I ask “What decade?” I’ve been a professional chef and baker, degreed counselor(NYU) and non-profit exec. But I went to undergrad at St. Michael’s college for English and writing - I wanted to be a writer and somehow making a living and being distracted took me off course of that, but led me down extremely interesting paths and I met lots of fabulous people. It’s only taken me my whole life to come back to writing 😂 and I’m so glad I did because now I have decades of living to write about. The great bonus and joy of being on Substack is meeting wonderful people like you who, in a million years, I never would have met. Cheers, Maddie!
💃 🌎 is the most delightful combination of emojis! It captures your writing voice so well, which is characterized by curiosity and joie de vivre.
I knew snippets of your story, but I'm so grateful that you shared the bigger picture here! Frankly, I struggle with transitions from one life chapter to the next; you seem to be an expert in seeking out and embracing new challenges—which probably informs your outlook on life and your writing projects. I'm so impressed that you experimented with life in a new city after being rooted for 40 years!
So glad to have met you here, virtually, on Substack—and hopefully someday IRL in Chicago.
Oooh. Love this Maddie. Here is my quick response: Definitely this one...🔥🔥. Couldn't find the parachute emoji, so this hanging off a cliff one will have to do! It's appropriate. 🧗♀️. I think I've graduated from 🙈, or at the very least further along the way of letting those Type A tendencies go to find a new home in someone else. Great exercise. :)
Congratulations on your graduation from 🙈, and happy to have you as part of the 🔥 club!
The hanging-off-a-cliff emoji is *chef's kiss.* I believe you've mentioned that you're based on Vancouver Island, yes? I'm watching the terrible-but-wonderful Netflix show Virgin River, and just enjoyed an episode where Jack was rock-climbing near the Stawamus Chief in Squamish, literally hanging on by his fingernails. I will now forever associate that moment with you! 😂
🎸 Love the idea of this thread and happy that it's here. I'm Kathryn, a full-time writer in San Francisco working at the intersection of art and mental health.
As a freelance writer for the past twentyish years, I've had to navigate uncertainty in terms of income ebbs and flows, job changes, technology changes, etc. I live with double depression which means that there's often also uncertainty in my health/energy. I'm not sure that I've always embraced it, per se, but I have accepted that it's part of life and most of the time bob along on those waves without too much desperate paddling to shore.
Something that helps as a creative is seeing my work as a body of work, one that perhaps I don't even know the entire thread of at this close-up view. I imagine that after my death someone does a retrospective of all of my art and writing and makes sense of the themes of it all. Sometimes I see those themes and sometimes I don't but this lens helps me to realize that every single thing I'm creating matters to the big picture but also no one individual item is all that big of a deal. That helps a lot with the uncertainty of the creative path.
Kathryn, thank you so much for saying hello, talking about your own journey, and sharing your perspective! This idea you shared is a total balm for uncertainty, one that I'll be mulling over for some time to come: "Every single thing I'm creating matters to the big picture but also no one individual item is all that big of a deal." 🤯 Yes. Totally!
The (freelance) creative life and mental health are *both* wellsprings of uncertainty, and I'm so appreciative of your writing on both topics. For anyone who hasn't "met" Kathryn yet, I absolutely loved this interview: https://raekatz.substack.com/p/i-cant-work-nine-to-five-every-day
I'm glad it's helpful to consider that way of looking at it. And thanks for sharing that interview. I was so thrilled to get to have that discussion with Rae. She's doing great work.
🔥 + 🙈. I'll kick things off! I'm your typical Type A overachiever, who loved planning so much that I made an entire career out of it (as a financial planner).
After experiencing a divorce, my mom's passing, and job loss in quick succession, it became clear that I needed to learn how to embrace uncertainty...whether I wanted to or not! This newsletter is my attempt at codifying everything I'm learning, and helping others along the way.
Great to meet you Maddie! Thanks for hosting this space:-)
Lovely to meet you Maddie!
Hello. My five year plan included living my 50s with my husband. Surprise! He has a terminal illness. So there's that. . . I always figured he'd go first, I just figured we would be in our '80s. Looking forward to leaning in to uncertainty.
Anne, thank you for dropping by and introducing yourself—it's such a pleasure to meet you.
I'm deeply sorry about your husband's illness. There aren't many silver linings to that dark cloud; still, I hope that you'll experience the same thing I did in my mom's final months: a time filled with connection, community, generosity and warmth, even amidst the stress and sadness.
Please know that I'll be sending positive, heartfelt thoughts your way! ❤️
Thank you, Maddie. If there's a silver lining, it is that all the days count. I appreciate all positive thoughts!
They certainly do, Anne! ❤️
I've had many a five year plans blow up. Some I torched. Some imploded. Some were a slow burn that started imperceptibly with a tiny ember from someone else's nearby flame. Didn't see it coming.
That's what happened the last time.
My latest 5-year plan ended when I went home for a 6-week visit and ended up staying to be the caregiver for my aging parents (one with Alzheimer's, the other legally blind).
Since then much has changed and I'm building a new life in North Carolina. I'm writing all about it here on Substack (https://nnekatrini.substack.com).
Still, I continue to make my plans:-) Even though they blow up, they move me closer to my desires.
Nneka, I'm so glad you stopped by to say hello! Thanks for giving me (and others) a chance to get to know you and your story.
Now that I've had a small window into the challenges of caregiving work myself, I feel comfortable saying that you're a *total* superhero for being there for your parents in this moment of their lives. ❤️
FWIW, the writing in your first paragraph sent chills down my spine. Makes me especially glad that you're writing publicly through this particular life transition!
Thanks Maddie<3 I missed your caregiving work. Are you also caring for parents?
My brother and I were at home with my mom during her recurrence of cancer and hospice care (she passed away last year). We were both juggling full-time work, and lucky enough to have paid help during the workdays—but even with that immense privilege, it was the hardest experience of my life.
So I'm now *completely* in awe of caregivers who are helping their family members in any capacity! It's beautiful but so tough...sending you strength.
Warm hugs to you and love for your family. That’s a tough journey. 💗2💗
Right back atcha, Nneka. ❤️
🪂 Stepping into uncertainty and unknown as God is calling me into deep waters of the soul, shifting me, softening me, opening me. He has called me to build a Christian coaching business, a calling that both excites and terrifies me. Thank you for your writing and encouragement. Loved the last post about not having an instruction manual for all of this.
Heather, it's lovely to "meet" you! (And thanks, too, for your sweet words—I'm so glad my writing has resonated.) I think that anything that both excites *and* terrifies you is a worthy goal, indeed! 🤗
Yes! I’m gonna hold onto that morsel. Excited and terrified? Probably headed in the right direction, lol. I think Brene Brown calls it the barf factor (if it makes u want to barf, it’s probably time to do it) and a “vulnerability hangover”
Yes to all of this. Queen Brené knows what's up!
Hi Maddie, I found my way from your article 'Holding onto Smoke'. Thank you for that beautiful piece.
I'm Victoria: I'm a Carer, a Mentor, an advocate-activist of other caregivers, and a business owner of 2 companies outside of Substack. Over a couple of decades, I climbed the corporate ladder from Market research manager to Global Commercial VP of brand portfolios - that was 16 relocations across 9 countries. Underneath all the achievements and responsibilities stuff, I loved building teams, cross-cultural collaborations, strategy and confounding people as one of the youngest-looking Asian women.
I've been hugely blessed and can thrive despite experiencing the full amplitude of what life can offer over the last 8 years. I know I've experienced more 'life' in these years than I have before, which is why I have deep gratitude for small moments.
My emoji is the one I have for my company - a fiery phoenix. Simply, it represents the many times I've grown, burned bright, outgrew myself and have, so far, risen new again.
My story has many dimensions - hence why there are so many sections on my website! ;-)
There's lots we could share! I'm looking forward to growing our connection.
I'm particularly interested in reading & discussing interdependence from a perspective of carer support and preparing communities to help each other when current infrastructure and systems are failing our growing needs.
Are you familiar with Bruce Feiler - if not, take a look at his TED Talk video on my site
Victoria, I'm so touched that you appreciated that essay. It was such a meaningful one to write—I'm glad that it was *also* meaningful to read.
Thank you for the beautiful introduction to your background and mission. (Fiery phoenix emoji FTW!) My own limited experience with caregiving gives me *just* enough context to understand how wildly important (and under-discussed!) your perspective is. Thank you for your caregiver advocacy work; it is so needed. I'm looking forward to growing our connection as well.
"I'm particularly interested in reading & discussing interdependence from a perspective of carer support and preparing communities to help each other when current infrastructure and systems are failing our growing needs." YES. More of this. 🔥
Finally, Bruce Feiler's book about life transitions was one of the most impactful books I read last year—I'm delighted you mentioned it, because I think everyone would benefit from picking it up!
Thanks, Maddie! Yes and YAY!
Re. Bruce Feiler - I was relieved to listen to the TED Talk (one of my first posts) because it makes sense of the 'Timeline Exercise' I've been doing annually and as a foundation piece I do with my Mentoring clients: https://www.carermentor.com/p/your-frame-of-reference.
I think we're going to have lots to connect on moving forward and I'd welcome your subscription if that works for you. FYI I've no paywall on my current work.
Maddie, hello! I just chatted with Chris Anselmo yesterday and he recommended your newsletter — it is EXACTLY what I need in my life right now. I'm so honored you liked my post on my own newsletter as well — I know I'm fangirling right now, but I feel like a celebrity just liked it!!!
Thank you for speaking to my soul with your posts, especially since I am definitely a type A person who struggles with uncertainty.
Would love to stay connected :)
Anna, I'm so delighted that Chris made this connection—let's stay in touch, for sure! 🤗 I've devoured your first few posts; there's *so* much I related to, so the feeling is quite mutual.
I'm typing from my couch in sweatpants, so while I'm amused that you think of me as a celebrity, it's a fun reminder: if you keep writing from the heart long enough, your words will resonate more widely than you could've imagined at the outset. Hopefully, that's a motivating thought as you begin your newsletter-writing journey!
🎸 as someone who has been influenced more but the great philosophical movie The Big Lebowski than anything else in life, I've taken a lot of chances based on gut reaction. If anything goes wrong, "eff it dude, let's go bowling." Move from Boston to Denver? 48 hours is enough time to make that decision. Leave a comfortable corporate gig to go join a start-up? I trust the lady in charge, let's do it. And in my younger and single days, it's also led to some great stories. I don't do 1 year, 5 year plans and just trust it'll all work out, for better or for worse lol
Matt, I want to be you when I grow up! Truly, I aspire to this level of uncertainty-embracing rock stardom.
Most importantly, though: I'm totally delighted that you stopped by to introduce yourself. Thank you for being here, and for sharing your outlook on life! (It's time for me to rewatch The Big Lebowski, I think.)
As they say, the dude abides!
Maddie! I’m just getting to know your work. I’m interested in creative freedom and myself and my husband are working towards being free to work digitally all over the world with our kids... I love following finance stuff and healing old money stories. I’ve done so much work on it all! Looking forward to reading more of your stuff. ✨
Claire, what a treat to hear some of your story! Thanks so much for chiming in—I'm definitely familiar with *your* writing, so it's wonderful to hear more about our overlapping interests here. Cheers to all the work you've done on these important topics...I'm looking forward to comparing notes on all of it! 🤗
Right?! And thanks! 🤓
Hi, I’m Wendi. My Substack is “Changing Lives,” wendigordon.substack.com. My plan for the rest of my life, not just five years, went up in flames 🔥. But I lived through it, learned a lot in the process, and my husband and I are recovering and building a new and much better life now. I keep trying to plan things at least a few months out, then getting reminded once more than life usually doesn’t go as planned! I’m learning to embrace the uncertainty and enjoy the journey without worrying too much about the future. Some days I am able to do that; other days I just want the illusions of certainty and total control over my life that I used to have!
Wendi, it's a pleasure to meet you! Your introduction is a beautiful reminder that life will keep reminding us (sometimes gently, sometimes...not) of the lessons we thought we'd already learned. I, too, need and receive these regular reminders. And: the last line you wrote feels especially resonant! 😜
Thank you for being here and sharing a bit of your story with us.
Maddie, it's a pleasure to meet you and discover your newsletter! I just read some back issues, including the one about the "gift giver" mindset as a middle way between overplanning and never planning anything. I appreciate that way of conceptualizing planning. I alternate between desperately trying to plan things at least a few months out (only to have something happen that burns up those plans!) and deciding it's pointless to set any goals or make any plans. As with most things, neither extreme is helpful and I need to find a health middle ground.
I'm so glad to hear that piece resonated with you! It's a mindset I stumbled upon after decades of believing that "planning" and "not planning" were the only two approaches to life—meaning, it's a piece that I wrote because I needed to read it, too. 🫠
The search for a healthy middle ground is ongoing...and universal! You're not alone.
I echo everyone else's comments. This is a wonderful idea Maddie, and hello everyone!
I'm Chris. I live in Connecticut where I've lived all my life except for 12 years I spent in Boston, which happened to be where my plans (one, five, ten-year, full-life) went up in flames. I was diagnosed with an adult onset muscle disease after graduating from college, which made life quite unpredictable, to put it kindly.
However, the experience is what fuels my writing, so it hasn't all been bad. I enjoy meeting other writers and people interested in learning about how to be the best version of themselves despite life's up and downs.
I think I'm somewhere between 🔥 and 🎸, depending on the day. Other days I'm the GIF of the dumpster fire being swept away in a flood. But I have my good planning days too. For example, today I sat down to write for 3 hours and managed not to get distracted. Small wins!
Chris, thank you so much for introducing yourself here! 🤗
One of my favorite things about Hello, Adversity is that our individual experiences of adversity are wildly different, but you're so skilled at mining your story for actionable advice that I *always* feel more resilient after reading.
And, unfailingly, I laugh at all the wry humor that sneaks into each newsletter. Just like—as much as I never want this GIF to characterize anyone's experience, much less yours—I totally cackled at your mention of the literal dumpster fire being swept away in the flood. A+ choice.
I also find myself feeling like this most days: https://tenor.com/view/what-confused-persian-room-cat-guardian-gif-11044457
I think, on some level, this is all of us. #relatable
My 1, 3 and 5 year plans have been decaying in a hot dumpster ever since I graduated from college. Grief, trauma and it’s aftermath in my body have made me, finally, at 48, stick to 1, 3 and 5 hour plans!
Rare diseases have a way of making us terrible at long-term planning but experts in 3-5 hour increments. I'm in the same boat!
The physical manifestations of grief and trauma are no laughing matter, of course...and yet I love the lightness that you bring to this sometimes-a-dumpster-fire that we call life. A toast to 1, 3, and 5-hour plans!
(Psst: for anyone who hasn't read a chapter of Kimberly's gorgeous serialized memoir, what are you waiting for? https://unfixed.substack.com/ She's Exhibit A for using creativity as a tool for meaning-making.)
Thank you for sharing my memoir and participating in the meaning-making!❤️
I spent my whole working life as the guy that slept in the office and never applied anywhere else out of loyalty and this idea I was indispensable. Then one day my boss did a runner and I realised I'd been in a toxic relationship where nothing would ever change until my abuser left me... It made me rethink how I work and for the past ten years I've been working remotely, before it was a thing... I've fine this in Switzerland, France and now in Barcelona, living my best life x
I forgot to add the crucial point being... Being a freelancer is always uncertain... Sometimes I go weeks without work, sometimes I take on too much, but I've learned on those times there is nothing on, instead of fretting about, live those days like a rock star x
Shihab, welcome! Thank you for sharing your story—it means a lot to me.
As you described your previous relationship to work, and your eventual disillusionment with something that had comprised such a huge part of your identity, I found myself nodding along. Transitioning away from a problematic work experience (whatever that looks like) is laden with uncertainty. The best part is hearing that, ten years on, you've built a beautiful new reality...and a positive relationship with uncertainty to boot.
Cheers to that!
Hi Maddie, this is a great way to break the ice and build a community! 👏
I'm from Devon, England. I grew up on a small farm where we couldn't see our neighbours. But I've lived much of my life in megacities (Mexico City, Shanghai, Tokyo, Cairo) or large ones (London, Hong Kong). I describe myself as a recovering cultural bureaucrat having retired from my public sector job last year. I now write - copywriting (for money) and here on Substack (to learn/practise).
I used to plan a lot, so know that plans are just - well, plans. What actually happens is usually (almost always) something else. But knowing that doesn't always make dealing with it easy, does it? So I am 🔥but also entry level 🎸. And maybe a bit of 🙈.
Jeffrey, welcome—it's so wonderful to meet you! I definitely laughed in recognition when you described yourself as "entry level 🎸" because yes, this, 100%.
I have so many friends and family members who've just retired, and—while I know there are lots of resources to navigate that transition—it's one that's been challenging for each and every one of them. I trust that writing (both for money and especially for fun) has been a source of meaning and purpose during this new chapter.
Your background sounds fascinating. You've got some great story-territory to mine!
🎸 I've been at this uncertainty rock star game for most of my life.
My brother and parents died within 6 months of each other when I was 10 years old. It was all the things you could imagine and worse. Growing up without parents is filled with uncertainty. There are a lot of choices that have to be made on unstable ground and when that ground breaks, you have to pivot and adjust. Whilst I was lucky enough to stay with my sister afterwards, she herself was 22 years old when it happened with a 2 year old. She literally had 4 kids overnight. (My other siblings.) She didn't parent me and she didn't sugarcoat what our lives were going to be like and for that I'm very grateful. She provided a safe environment, made sure I was fed, but the rest I had to figure out. Eventually I got my own apartment in high school and was legally emancipated to be on my own. I could excuse myself from school, I signed off on "parent slips", etc. I went through school utterly heartbroken and there were days I didn't think I was going to make it.
Next would come even more death, my best friend was murdered in high school, a father figure died suddenly when I was 19 from cancer and then another best friend was murdered when I was 30. So much loss makes you realize how fleeting it all is. There has been so much grief, so much depression, and so much stumbling to make my way out of it. I'm grateful to have given myself access to A LOT of amazing therapy and reflection. (Talk therapy and EMDR are my favorite.)
There has also been A LOT of wild joy, dream come trues, adventures all over the world. I've done almost everything I've ever wanted to in this life and for that I am extremely proud.
I chose to embrace uncertainty because I was determined to survive and live a life filled with joy and excitement no matter what.
Recently, I've jumped into a new uncertainty. Instead of the stability of corporate life, I've chosen to focus on writing. I used to have a blog and it did fairly well, I also worked as a copy writer, but I never gave my writing the attention it deserved. I was dealing with earth shattering circumstances, I didn't always have the bandwidth to sit down and map out a direction that I wanted to go. And to be perfectly honest, for a while I had quite the contempt for life. It had been very cruel to me and being here felt like a jail sentence. I fought my way out of that dark forest and now I feel more like myself than I ever have.
I took a job where I can work from home, make my own schedule, and I love it. (I didn't want to work in an office, it is soul crushing for me.)
It allows me to work around my writing schedule and gives me the bandwidth to start building my writing career path.
Whilst some of my friends are 15-20 years into their careers, I am just a fledgling starting out in the writing world. It feels new and exciting, it also feels wonky and weird. That's life in any capacity, so I'll take it.
I love your Substack because it showcases that anything can happen at anytime. When people have rough childhoods, they tend to fantasize if things were different their adult lives would be different...and that isn't necessarily true. There are zero guarantees in life. Wild things happen all the time because that is life on planet earth. That is the contract we sign when we come here. The best shot we can give ourselves is to make friends with acceptance and mind the bends with as much love and care as we can.
Your story is beautiful and I'm so glad you are sharing it here. Thank you, Maddie.
Wow, thank you for your vulnerability and sharing that Jenovia!
Jenovia, thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an absolute rock star, indeed. 🎶 ❤️
Your life is a rich, complex tapestry of all the different ways uncertainty can show up. Definitely as the steep challenge of emerging from so many kinds of (deeply unfair) trauma, grief, and loss—relationships that might've otherwise served as anchors. But also as the kind of hope that only comes from navigating impossibly stormy waters, surviving, and realizing that there's a possibility of actually *thriving*—whether today, or simply someday in the future.
While I knew about some of the challenges you faced in childhood and young(er) adulthood, I wasn't fully aware of the career uncertainty you were navigating now. Probably because you're such a skilled writer that I never would've considered the word "fledgling" could be associated with your writing career!
I'm so thrilled that you're betting on yourself and your considerable talents. The world needs more of your voice! And, selfishly, I look forward to benefiting from your rock-star wisdom as you share more of your life experience, and your learnings from this new career path.
Thank you so much, Maddie 🥹 I’m so glad our paths have crossed.
You and me both! 🤗
Hi, Maddie! I’m a native New Yorker (Born in Brooklyn, grew up on Long Island) who after 40 years living and working in Manhattan decided 7 years ago to try out Chicago when my brother and sister in law opened a restaurant here. I loved it and stayed. When people ask what I did for a living, I ask “What decade?” I’ve been a professional chef and baker, degreed counselor(NYU) and non-profit exec. But I went to undergrad at St. Michael’s college for English and writing - I wanted to be a writer and somehow making a living and being distracted took me off course of that, but led me down extremely interesting paths and I met lots of fabulous people. It’s only taken me my whole life to come back to writing 😂 and I’m so glad I did because now I have decades of living to write about. The great bonus and joy of being on Substack is meeting wonderful people like you who, in a million years, I never would have met. Cheers, Maddie!
Oops forgot my emoji, here it is 💃 🌎
💃 🌎 is the most delightful combination of emojis! It captures your writing voice so well, which is characterized by curiosity and joie de vivre.
I knew snippets of your story, but I'm so grateful that you shared the bigger picture here! Frankly, I struggle with transitions from one life chapter to the next; you seem to be an expert in seeking out and embracing new challenges—which probably informs your outlook on life and your writing projects. I'm so impressed that you experimented with life in a new city after being rooted for 40 years!
So glad to have met you here, virtually, on Substack—and hopefully someday IRL in Chicago.
Aww, thank you, Maddie, and definitely we will meet up one day in Chicago!
Oooh. Love this Maddie. Here is my quick response: Definitely this one...🔥🔥. Couldn't find the parachute emoji, so this hanging off a cliff one will have to do! It's appropriate. 🧗♀️. I think I've graduated from 🙈, or at the very least further along the way of letting those Type A tendencies go to find a new home in someone else. Great exercise. :)
Congratulations on your graduation from 🙈, and happy to have you as part of the 🔥 club!
The hanging-off-a-cliff emoji is *chef's kiss.* I believe you've mentioned that you're based on Vancouver Island, yes? I'm watching the terrible-but-wonderful Netflix show Virgin River, and just enjoyed an episode where Jack was rock-climbing near the Stawamus Chief in Squamish, literally hanging on by his fingernails. I will now forever associate that moment with you! 😂
🎸 Love the idea of this thread and happy that it's here. I'm Kathryn, a full-time writer in San Francisco working at the intersection of art and mental health.
As a freelance writer for the past twentyish years, I've had to navigate uncertainty in terms of income ebbs and flows, job changes, technology changes, etc. I live with double depression which means that there's often also uncertainty in my health/energy. I'm not sure that I've always embraced it, per se, but I have accepted that it's part of life and most of the time bob along on those waves without too much desperate paddling to shore.
Something that helps as a creative is seeing my work as a body of work, one that perhaps I don't even know the entire thread of at this close-up view. I imagine that after my death someone does a retrospective of all of my art and writing and makes sense of the themes of it all. Sometimes I see those themes and sometimes I don't but this lens helps me to realize that every single thing I'm creating matters to the big picture but also no one individual item is all that big of a deal. That helps a lot with the uncertainty of the creative path.
Kathryn, thank you so much for saying hello, talking about your own journey, and sharing your perspective! This idea you shared is a total balm for uncertainty, one that I'll be mulling over for some time to come: "Every single thing I'm creating matters to the big picture but also no one individual item is all that big of a deal." 🤯 Yes. Totally!
The (freelance) creative life and mental health are *both* wellsprings of uncertainty, and I'm so appreciative of your writing on both topics. For anyone who hasn't "met" Kathryn yet, I absolutely loved this interview: https://raekatz.substack.com/p/i-cant-work-nine-to-five-every-day
I'm glad it's helpful to consider that way of looking at it. And thanks for sharing that interview. I was so thrilled to get to have that discussion with Rae. She's doing great work.